Glamour Problems
by Nuwanda
Summary: An unexpected piece of mail creates unforeseen complications. Fortunately, problems aren't always hard to solve. Established relationship, Tony/Clint. First chapter in text format, second chapter in story format.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is what happens when I'm putting away the magazines at work. I see a 'Marie Claire', start pondering what would happen in this scenario. Texted J2, and she ended up responding in a different way than I expected, and this went in a totally different direction. Totally epic.

Enjoy!^^

**Stark1:**So Pepper just brought my mail down to the lab for me?

….someone sent me a copy of Glamour.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah? Why? Do people normally send you copies of Glamour?

**Stark1:**Um, no. This is very bizarre.

**Hawkeye58:**Huh…anyone you know in it? Maybe a past fling vying for your attention again?

**Stark1:**I don't think so. Wait. There's a page folded down.

**Hawkeye58:**Oh. Interesting. What is it?

**Stark1:**Perfume ad. Blonde model. Looks familiar. Phone number.

…..ah.

**Hawkeye58:**Ah? What's 'ah'? Who's 'ah'?

**Stark1:**No one, she's no one. Just some model I knew.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah? Well, this 'no one's looking you up again. What the hell.

**Stark1:**I don't know! Weird.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah. Weird….she better not be some kind of stalker.

**Stark1:**Ha I doubt it.

**Hawkeye58:**She's sending you magazines with hook-up info. You never know. Don't like it.

**Stark1:**Sorry. It's not like I asked her to.

…you should check this out, though, she's got better tits than Tasha.

**Hawkeye58:**What? First off, no. Stop checking out stalker-chick's tits. Second…..what. No.

**Stark1:**What. What's 'second'? You defending Tasha's tits?

**Hawkeye58:**Against stalker-chick, yes.

**Stark1:**Okay, defending Tasha's tits is NEVER the way to stop me looking at other women. You should know this.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah. Hindsight. Still. Don't look at that one.

**Stark1:**Oh? Problem?

**Hawkeye58:**…no. I just don't like her…

**Stark1:**How's that? You've never met her.

**Hawkeye58:**….I just don't. I can tell.

**Stark1:**Heh. You're kind of adorable.

**Hawkeye58:**The fuck? What's that have to do….no I'm not.

**Stark1:**Yea you are. You're jealous and it's adorable.

**Hawkeye58:**Wha. No I'm not! Why should I be. That's just stupid.

**Stark1:**Oh? Then why don't you want me looking?

**Hawkeye58:**….because. She's a stalker…

**Stark1:**Oh. So it's fine if I look at this gal on page…..94? She's got a pretty nice rack on her. Sweet ass, too.

**Hawkeye58:**…..probably a stalker, too…..

**Stark1:**Hm. No sign of that. Looks like your everyday sexpot to me.

**Hawkeye58:**…..definitely the ones you have to watch out for.

**Stark1:**Mm. You would know, wouldn't you.

…..don't think I have to worry about this one, though.

**Hawkeye58:**Don't have to worry about ANY of them. Because none of them are getting you.

**Stark1:**Well, DUH.

**Hawkeye58:**Just making sure we're clear on that.

**Stark1:**Idiot. Of COURSE we're clear.

**Hawkeye58:**Okay. Good. Good.

**Stark1:**….you really are an idiot.

**Hawkeye58:**…..shut up. We can't all be super geniuses, okay.

**Stark1:**…..what the hell does that have to do with anything? I'm calling you an idiot for thinking for even a second that I need to be told I can't have anyone else. I don't WANT anyone else. Not that I don't like hearing it…which was sort of the point…..can't you EVER just admit that you're jealous?

**Hawkeye58:**What. And spoil my 'not a care' image that I try so hard to maintain?

…only I really don't. Guess maybe it's just with you…..so…yeah. Okay. Might've been a little. Jealous.

But tell anyone and I deny it.

**Stark1:**Heh don't need to tell anyone. Just glad to fucking hear it for once.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah…..well…you knew it, anyway. Guess it was silly covering it up.

**Stark1:**Yea. It was.

…idiot. :P

**Hawkeye58:**Shuttup.

**Stark1:**Will not. But I WILL stop ogling page 94's t&a.

**Hawkeye58:**…yeah. Okay. I'll accept that instead.

**Stark1:**Ha. Now, page 95, on the other hand…..

**Hawkeye58:**Heh. You know, fine. You have your fun. After all, what's a little look at something you're not seeing on me? I can understand that….

…but you get any more magazines marked with lipstick and phone numbers and I may be forced to burn every magazine that makes it's way in your mail.

**Stark1:**…..I may have just lost all desire to ever look at tits again.

**Hawkeye58:**Hahaha. Oh really? What did it for you? The permission or the arson?

**Stark1:**The possessiveness behind the arson.

**Hawkeye58:**Ahahaha. Yeah. There's that. What can I say. I don't have much. But damn. What I DO have, I play to keep.

**Stark1:**Well, you better be planning on keeping me.

**Hawkeye58:**So long as you plan on keeping me back. Probably fight you if you change your mind, too.

**Stark1:**Heh I'm more than fine with that. But I'm not gonna.

**Hawkeye58:**Good. Because I really don't know how I'd go about it and I'd rather not have to figure it out.

**Stark1:**Go about what?

**Hawkeye58:**Fighting you to make you want to keep me again. Seems like it'd be something annoying to figure out.

**Stark1:**Heh. Well you're not going to have to. You're your own damn argument. Don't need to do anything to win.

**Hawkeye58:**Ha. Yeah? That's a relief.

**Stark1:**Oh? You were worrying?

**Hawkeye58:**Eh. Used to. A bit. But you're always pretty clear that you can put up with my shit so I stopped, mostly.

**Stark1:**Yea, you're kind of a pain in the ass.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah, I hear that a lot, minus the "kind of".

**Stark1:**Hahaha well, I love you, so I'm being nice.

**Hawkeye58:**Aww. Sparing my feelings.

**Stark1:**Ha yea right. You already know how big a pain you are. Doesn't matter how nice I phrase it.

**Hawkeye58:**Hahaha. Yeah. That's true enough.

**Stark1:**Yup.

…so, what do you want me to do about Jenny?

**Hawkeye58:**Oh. So "no one" has a name you remember?

**Stark1:**…..Jenny. I mean Jennifer. It's Jennifer.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah. I don't care. Ignore her. Maybe she'll go away.

**Stark1:**Okay.

…you obviously DO care. But okay. Not gonna push you.

**Hawkeye58:**Fuck yes I care! Why the hell are you even asking? What the hell do you think you can do about her. I'm sure I can get rid of her but I'm also sure I'd be frowned upon for it.

**Stark1:**Okay okay I'm sorry! I wasn't trying to upset you!

**Hawkeye58:**I'm not upset!

Yeah. Okay. I am upset. But damn. Freaking….what the hell, she contacts you NOW?

**Stark1:**I don't know! I picked up my mail, the magazine was there, that's all I know!

**Hawkeye58:**Well, she can go hit up someone else and leave you out of it. Stupid random stalker model.

**Stark1:**I'm sorry. I just wanted to ask you cuz I've got no idea how to get rid of people, other than annoying them until they leave. And….well…..she's sort of your problem, too. Cuz she's trying to infringe on your territory. So I thought you should have some say in it.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah. I don't know. I don't have a lot of non-lethal ways to get rid of people who bother me.

**Stark1:**Damn. Well then I've got nothing. Just ignore it, I guess.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah. That doesn't work. Well. I'll try and think of something.

**Stark1:**…..you could always threaten her. I'd actually kinda enjoy seeing that.

**Hawkeye58:**…I can let her know how I feel about her come-on via my favorite non-contact messaging system.

**Stark1:**….I'm not entirely sure what that means, but it SOUNDS interesting.

**Hawkeye58:**That's where I take the picture. Cover it with the oh-so brilliant sentiment of "fuck off" and deliver it at high velocity via arrow, preferably right in front of her face.

**Stark1:**OH MY GOD. I love you SO MUCH. Ahahahahaha

**Hawkeye58:**Ha. Good. Is that a good plan? Cuz I can totally do that.

**Stark1:**That is a GREAT plan.

**Hawkeye58:**Oh, good. Then that's the plan. Perfect.

**Stark1:**Heh. Awesome.

**Hawkeye58:**Glad. You think so. So yeah….keep that picture for now, then.

**Stark1:**Heh…where do you want me to put it? ;P

**Hawkeye58:**Heh. I could tell you a thousand places. But for now, just leave it. Gonna get it shortly.

**Stark1:**Yea? You coming over?

**Hawkeye58:**Course I'm coming over.

**Stark1:**Yea? You gonna show me who I REALLY belong to?

**Hawkeye58:**Yup. Then I'm gonna deliver a message.

**Stark1:**Heh. You know, this is becoming super sexy.

**Hawkeye58:**You seem to think most things are super sexy.

**Stark1:**When they involve YOU, yea.

**Hawkeye58:**Well, at least it's when they involve me.

**Stark1:**Ha. Who else would they involve?

**Hawkeye58:**I don't know. Don't care to know or give you the chance to find out.

**Stark1:**Ha. Says the man with the wandering eyes and a fond enjoyment for bouncing breasts.

**Hawkeye58:**Haha. Yeah. Says that guy.

**Stark1:**You better appreciate how damn lucky you are to have me.

**Hawkeye58:**I am aware that having you is probably proof of just how damned lucky I am because I really, most likely, do not deserve someone who will put up with me.

**Stark1:**You deserve more than you think you do.

**Hawkeye58:**Heh. If you think so.

**Stark1:**I know so. Obviously. That's why you have something as awesome as ME.

**Hawkeye58:**Ahahaha. That or fate decided to punish you with my pain in the ass self.

**Stark1:**Ha. If it's punishment, I'd like more of my punishments to be equally entertaining.

**Hawkeye58:**Well, I'm as good as they come.

**Stark1:**Yea. Cept for that whole t&a obsession. THAT could use some help.

**Hawkeye58:**Hey. A while ago I didn't even realize I swung so much towards the less curvy side of the street, okay. I'm still adjusting, here.

**Stark1:**Ha! Well, a while ago you hadn't met me. XD

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah. True.

**Stark1:**Heh. I'm awesome.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah, okay. Enough, buddy, or neither of our egos will fit in a room together.

**Stark1:**Hey, as long as you're "adjusting", I'm gonna linger over every little bit of awesome I can get. Even moreso than usual.

**Hawkeye58:**Haha. Alright. Fair enough, I guess.

**Stark1:**Yup. Fair enough.

…so are you coming over here or what?

**Hawkeye58:**Told you I was. Be there in a few.

**Stark1:**Yea? Thought you were gonna show me how I belonged to you. I'm getting a bit impatient. Jenny's picture is still around here somewhere…..

**Hawkeye58:**Tony…..don't. I'm on my way. Be patient a little longer.

**Stark1:**Heh. If you honestly think I'd pull that photo out, then you're an idiot.

**Hawkeye58:**Okay. We've established that I'm an idiot….and jealousy doesn't let me think too clear, which I why I hate it.

**Stark1:**Yea? You think? Well I like seeing that I'm not the only one feeling that way, you unresponsive pain in the ass.

**Hawkeye58:**Oh, believe me. I'll show you.

**Stark1:**…..ooh.

…..dammit, where ARE you?

**Hawkeye58:**Rounding the corner. You still in your lab?

**Stark1:**Nah. Living room.

**Hawkeye58:**Oh. Even better. Closer.

**Stark1:**Yea. AND there's floofy couches.

**Hawkeye58:**There's that, too. Good point.

**Stark1:**Yea? You like my floofy couches?

**Hawkeye58:**They're very comfortable.

**Stark1:**Glad you think so. Cuz I enjoy having you on them.

**Hawkeye58:**Oh? That so? I guess it works for both of us. All right. I'm here. See you momentarily.

**Stark1:**Awesome.

~tbc~


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Since this site has begun taking down all my text-format stories, I set up a website to post them all on. You can find me here: **nuwandasnicket. wordpress. com** (without the spaces)

All of my work will be posted there, as well as the illustrations that my friend J2 (the one who rps Clint for me) does for the stories.

Please come by to continue reading!

* * *

Tony's front door was locked, but it wasn't a problem anymore. It still felt so strange to have a key to Tony Stark's house (_houses_, Clint corrected mentally….his key ring had become substantially heavier as of late), but it was a good kind of strange. He had never trusted anyone with the keys to his apartment, and never been in a relationship where the other person had given him keys. But Tony seemed to trust him implicitly. Clint wasn't used to that sort of trust. Not in his line of work. And it felt _wonderful_.

Tony looked up as Clint entered the living room. He was sitting on one of the multiple couches that filled the room, bare feet propped up on the coffee table. This was one of Clint's favorite rooms in the house. It was full of huge white couches and chairs. He didn't know why anyone would ever need this many couches, but he loved it. They were the biggest, fluffiest couches he'd ever sat on.

Tony smiled….that smile that always sent warmth flooding through Clint. That smile that was reserved for him, only him. "Hey."

"Hi." He tossed his keys onto the coffee table, moving to the man's side, leaning in to give him a kiss.

"How was work?"

Clint flopped to the couch beside Tony, kicking off his shoes and putting his feet up on the table. "Exhausting."

Tony chuckled. "Well, you can relax now."

"Mm." He let his eyes slip shut, enjoying the sensation of Tony's fingers running through his hair. "….still have to deal with stalker-chick."

Tony sighed. "You know, you can take a while to relax first."

"Yeah, well, then I'll be all tired and won't want to do anything about it till later." Clint opened his eyes, looking at Tony. "I can relax after."

Tony shook his head. "Idiot."

"I am not."

"Yea you are. You should be resting."

"I can rest after. Now where's that picture."

Sighing again, Tony rose, moving across the room to the bar, returning with the photo, offering it. Clint snatched it, taking a good look.

It was a perfume ad, a blonde model, mostly naked. That immediately sent a roll of anger through him (what the fuck, sending a naked photo to Tony?), and there were, as Tony had said, red lipstick kisses on the page. But there was one thing Tony had neglected to mention. There was a note.

"…you didn't tell me she wrote a message."

Tony's voice was quiet. "Yea, well, you were upset enough already."

That was true, but Clint didn't want to say it. He hated admitting he got jealous, and he'd already said it once today. Instead, he silently gave the photo another look. The girl WAS pretty. She smiled into the camera, her expression one of happiness and lusty pleasure as her male companion nipped and kissed her throat. Clint took in the message, the words ringing through his head.

'_Thought of you while I was taking this.'_

Clint felt his blood burning, stomach churning with rage and jealousy and, above all, possession.

_Mine. He's mine, you stupid stalker bitch._

"…Clint?"

Clint realized he was clutching the picture so hard that his knuckles were turning white. He looked at Tony. The man was watching him with concern.

The paper fell through Clint's fingers, fluttering to the floor. He pulled Tony into his arms, kissing him.

When they pulled apart, Tony was smiling. He stroked Clint's face, hand cupping it. "You had me worried for a minute there."

"Hnn. Sorry. Just…" Clint glanced at the picture on the floor, then back at Tony. "…don't like it. I know I really shouldn't be upset…I mean, it's not like you're encouraging her…but I don't even like it that she's trying. I don't like that people think they can have you. They can't."

Tony shook his head. "No. They can't." He paused. "…you're still gonna fire a 'fuck you' arrow at her, right?"

Clint burst out laughing. "Fuck yeah. She needs to know. I have to let her know that you're off limits."

"Oh, good." Tony was grinning. "I love it when you're possessive."

"Oh?" Clint pulled Tony closer, arms slipping around his waist. "Good. Cuz I don't intend to stop."

"Mm…I have no problem with that."

"Good." Clint kissed Tony, softly, slowly deepening the kiss. One of his hands slipped beneath Tony's shirt, stroking the soft skin at the small of his back, and Tony shivered.

Clint nuzzled Tony's throat. "…want you."

Tony nodded. "I'm yours."

"Hnn. Don't know how good it is to hear that."

"Well, I'll never stop telling you."

"Good." He tugged Tony's shirt up and off. "Off. All of it."

Tony laughed. "Well, then. Awfully demanding today, aren't we?"

"Shut up and get naked."

"Only if you do, too."

"What….you think I'm just going to sit here and watch you?"

"Don't know. You're a kinky fucker. You could have something weird in mind."

"No. Not today."

"Oh, good. Cuz I was rather hoping you would fuck me?"

"That's the plan." Clint kicked his pants aside and flopped back onto the couch, looking up at Tony, who looked surprised, but a pleased smile crossed his face.

"…..I think I like where this is going."

"Good. Oh. We should get…." but he didn't get to finish. Tony was digging through the clothes on the floor, reaching into his pants pocket and fishing out a tiny container of lube, smiling. "….what the fuck."

"Hey, you said you were coming over to show me who I really belonged to. I figured I'd be prepared."

Clint had to laugh. "Fucker."

"Yup." Tony crawled into Clint's lap, straddling his hips, a hand cupping his face as they kissed. Clint fumbled blindly for Tony's hand, for the lube. Tony pressed it into his hand and somehow, through joint effort, they managed to get it open without breaking the kiss.

"Here…sit up a bit." Clint stroked Tony's back, guiding him into a better position, pressing two slick fingers into him. Tony arched at the sensation, hand gripping Clint's shoulders.

"Damn…..hurry up."

"Working on it."

"Yea? Well work faster."

"Shut up."

"You should know by now that A) I don't shut up, and B), when you fuck me, I just get louder."

"True. Maybe I just shouldn't fuck you."

"Like you'd be able to stop…..ha. Fuck. Dammit, Clint."

"Okay, okay." He stroked Tony's back as the man sat back, moaning as Clint breached him.

"Fuck."

"You okay?"

"Yea. Damn. S'good." Tony gave an experimental roll of his hips and Clint gasped. Tony smirked at that reaction. "Good?"

"Fuck yea. You feel amazing. Don't stop."

Still with that obnoxious, patented Tony Stark smirk on his face, Tony rocked in Clint's lap again, only this time, Clint was ready, and he rolled up to meet him. Tony let loose with a string of expletives.

"Fuck! Fuck Goddammit shit Jesus H Christ!"

Clint burst into breathless laughter. "Good?" he teasingly echoed Tony's question of seconds earlier.

Tony was obviously feeling too good to care. He nodded vigorously. "Yea. Fuck yea. Don't stop."

It didn't take them long to find a rhythm that worked for both of them. Clint was hitting that sweet spot on every thrust, and Tony was coming apart. He had a hand in Clint's hair, the other clutching his shoulder. His hair was a mess, cheeks flushed, eyes half-lidded. Clint couldn't take his eyes off him.

"You look fucking gorgeous."

Tony blinked at Clint through his lashes, eyes heavy with lust. Clint couldn't handle it. He knew he was going to lose it, but he wanted Tony to find his release, too.

He reached between them, fingers wrapping around Tony's cock, stroking it. Tony cried out, hips bucking, and that was all Clint could take. He came hard, Tony's name on his lips, and he felt wet heat spatter his hand as Tony followed him.

Clint sat, nuzzling Tony's throat, kissing along his shoulder, listening to the man's rapid breathing. "I love you."

"Hnn." Tony chuckled, the noise rumbling in his chest, and sending little butterflies through Clint's stomach. "Love you too." After a moment more, Tony rolled off Clint's lap, giving the man a poke. "Hey….lay down."

Clint complied, stretching out on the couch, and Tony lay beside him, head on his chest, a leg tangling with the other man's. Clint kissed his forehead, and though he couldn't see it, he knew Tony was smiling at the action.

"…..you said my name."

"Hmm?"

"When you came. You said my name."

The memory came flooding back, the way he had cried Tony's name when his release hit, and Clint flushed red. "….I…..yeah."

Tony looked up at him, obviously sensing his embarrassment. "….is that bad?"

"I…..no."

"Yea? Cuz you seem embarrassed."

"I'm not embarrassed!" But Tony arched a brow at him and Clint had to explain further. "I just….I don't usually do that. It's extremely…intimate."

Tony laughed. "I would think so. I mean, we ARE having sex."

Clint swatted the side of his head. "Ass. I don't mean intimate like that. I mean emotionally intimate. I don't usually do emotionally intimate."

"Oh." Tony was silent for several moments, mulling that over. "….but you do with me?"

"….obviously."

"…..and…..are you okay with that?"

"I…." But really, despite his embarrassment, there was only one honest answer. "…..yeah. I am."

The smile Tony gave him was worth any amount of embarrassment. "Yea? Really?"

"Really, you dumbass. I love you."

Tony leaned in, giving Clint a kiss. "I love you too." He grinned. "That was pretty awesome."

Clint laughed. "You think?"

"Oh yea. One of your better ideas."

"Ha. Glad you enjoyed it."

"Oh, I did."

"Good. Now….." Clint propped himself up on an elbow, just enough that he could see the photo on the floor. "…think we have some unfinished business to take care of."

Tony grinned. "Oh yea."

**~*~ 6 Months Later ~*~**

The gala was one of the biggest events of the year. Tony Stark was in attendance, once again with Agent Clint Barton on his arm. It had been confirmed at last that the man was his personal bodyguard. No one was quite sure why Iron Man needed a bodyguard, but that was the official statement, so there was no point in pressing it; no other answer was forthcoming.

"Hey, Tony!"

Both men turned. Clint's face immediately clouded over. Tony looked both alarmed and amused.

"Hello, Jennifer."

The gorgeous blonde smiled at them. "Come on, Tony. No formalities between us. It's Jenny! How have you been? I haven't seen you in so long!"

"I'm okay. Oh, I don't believe you've met my friend. This is Clint."

At the mention of the name, the Jenny's face went white as a sheet, remembering a message that had been delivered months earlier via arrow. _Fuck off, bitch. He's mine. Clint. _"Ah…I…..I should probably be going."

"Yeah, why don't you do that," Clint's voice was as angry and possessive as his expression.

Jenny turned and practically ran away.

Tony laughed, punching Clint's shoulder. "You're such an ass!"

"What? She deserved it! Stupid stalker bitch."

"I think the flaming arrow you shot through her window probably scared her enough."

"Obviously not, if she's still trying to get your attention."

"Well if not, she certainly won't try again."

"Good." Clint looked into Tony's eyes, those blue eyes full of heat. "Want to go home? I'm feeling a bit…cooped up."

That expression sent a shiver down Tony's spine. He smiled. "Sounds good to me. Besides….think I could use a reminder of who I belong to."

"Oh?" Clint gestured to the valets to bring the car around, smiling at Tony. "…..I think that can be arranged."

**~fin~ **


End file.
